Up To the Sky

Today my daughter turned 14 Months Old! I can't believe it! She's just growing so fast. She has so much energy! Our days now consist of running around the house, from the living room to bathrooms to Mommy's bedroom to Daddy's office and back to the living room to check what's on TV and to see if she can get away with messing with the TV's stereo box. Sometimes she'll think it's a game and stop herself and say "no" while wagging her finger and walking to me to prove she's a "good girl." But sometimes she doesn't listen and I have to grab her hand and tell her, "Obey," to which she nods her head in response, saying "aw-bey." It's so cute to hear, but I love to hear her say "good gurl" even more. And she loves hearing it, as she runs, grins, nods her head, and claps, "good girl". If she wants something she points to it and tells you, "Deesh." Though it sounds German, it means "This." =)

Other favorites are words she's made up: "Doopa Doopa Doop" (which she sings occasionally) and "Babst" and "Dipst." They don't mean anything, but we crack up together when she says them. She also loves to say the sounds of the animals with passion (passion: the meaning of her middle name): Neigh, Moo, Meow and makes noises and movements for the squirrel and bunny. She points to her nose, likes to "help" brush her hair and wash her toys in the tub.

Her latest milestones besides walking just after her first birthday include totally weaning from breastfeeding on November 1st at 13 1/2 months old, taking naps unassisted (see last post), drinking independently with a sippy cup, and just today she drew her first scribble picture with her LEFT HAND! Not sure if I can yet peg her as a "lefty" since she does ambidextrous things... but Mommy would be SO happy to have someone in the family who understands the mind of a lefty, although it's a bit challenging at times.

She waves at EVERYONE and says "hi". Even to grumpy men who don't care to look at her. We sat by the toilet on our flight and she said "hi!" to everyone waiting in line to use the bathroom. Naturally, she was loved by all. Her dad calls her a diplomat. But I know her gift is deeper. A woman at the bookstore months ago said that she felt my daughter's big eyes were just "seeing through her" and proclaimed she would be a "seer" in her life. I recognized it as a prophetic statement and I love watching it unfold as my daughter's personality grows and flows out of her. She sees when people need a laugh and seeks to comfort me when I'm sad. She's a "relationship baby."

I saved my most treasured phrase that she says for last.... "Up Sky." She learned it in on vacation after I'd been encouraging her for weeks to raise her arms "up to the sky" when I was taking off her clothes before her bath. She got so excited when she could say it herself and DO what I was asking. And she loved looking at the clouds and learning about how we were really up in the sky on our flight home. So now she says it with a big grin on her face and eagerly helps me get her undressed (another milestone). The picture above is her new phrase in action as she reaches "Up Sky" as Daddy gets her ready for her bath. I hope she'll always have the same grin on her face and passion in her voice with everything as she reaches "Up Sky."

I'm Thankful for Harmony

Can you see what is wrong with this picture??? You're are a winner if you guessed that the baby is sleeping in a BED and NOT a crib!

But what was even more problematic with this picture was that this was MY baby at 10 months old taking her nap in MY bed. Like many of you, I saw nothing wrong with it as I knew the alternative after rocking her for almost an hour to sleep would be her waking up from her sleep the moment she felt her body being lowered into her crib. If I left her there.... she would cry rather than sleep, thereby making the whole point of naps, well... pointless. So I felt the only way I could protect her naps was to sit in my room and watch her so that she wouldn't wake up and crawl off my bed (she has been known to awake without a peep and just crawl right off into mid air). It was so bad sometimes that she wouldn't even let me undo my arms to get up from the bed or she'd fuss. Things just got worse and worse, as she began needing longer naps... and I was a slave to a quiet room when I could have been doing better things with my time if she were in her crib, like cleaning my house.

Before leaving for California to visit my in-laws, I had gotten her to sleep in her crib by allowing her to cry for up to 30 mins.... but then she'd only take a 30 min nap, wake up, and cry all over again for another 20 min... until she fell asleep and repeat the process (you get the idea). The result was more crying than napping, sleep that was barely restorative, and a slightly happier mom that could get things done around the house

But then on our vacation, I knew it wouldn't stick. And of course, she made me look like a mom who couldn't get control over her daughter to my in-laws (which was becoming true). Because each day of my vacation, hours were spent bouncing her to sleep on the bed. Both me and my aching back began to increasingly resent this sleep situation... and Avelyn's stubbornness. So while I was held hostage watching her sleep on my niece's bed instead of enjoying a visit with my in-laws, I decided to take back control and read a book about getting her to be an independent napper.

The first book I read was "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Yes, I'm a first time mom and I don't like hearing her cry... but I'm not opposed to crying if she learns to sleep and if she doesn't get so worked up that she vomits... (another story all together). And that wasn't working. So I'd thought I'd hear if this author had any tips. Her complete approach was enough for my persistent daughter. Maybe it would've worked if I'd have started programming my daughter from birth, but I did learn about by putting her to sleep the very moment I saw signs of grogginess. Because by the time she begins rubbing her eyes... the window of sleepiness has already passed, she's got a second wind, and the length of time to put her to sleep doubles. The best idea she had was to write and illustrate your own book about your sleep routine to your child so that she understands that sleep is fun and incorporate it into your pre-bedtime lineup. The author also promoted creating a sleep log, which I would later find as a very useful tool.

Oh, and did I mention that this sleep war was causing me to virtually LOSE MY MIND? That I would take out my frustrations on my husband and that my back arched with every piece of well-meaning advice (that I had already tried) from my in-laws? In fact, I had blamed Avelyn's whole sleep aversion on them because her father was/is also a poor sleeper. But what was worse... as I had alluded to... it was affecting my mothering. I was short with my daughter in discipline. And she was lashing back between my attitude and the behavior between my husband and I by misbehaving with tantrums.

I had no more energy. When we came back from CA, I came down with a miserable cold. I physically could not rock her to sleep anymore or I would uncontrollably cough. So in my despair and continued slavery of watching her nap in my bed, I picked up the next book that I thought would be another futile effort. I cried out to God for an answer.

And then it happened.

Dr. Weissbluth's answer was so simple. Children need their naps protected. To protect their naps they need a schedule, but not just any schedule - one that works with their biological clock. In his book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," he explained that babies are usually programmed to wake up at 6 or 7 am. And babies at Avelyn's tender age of 14 months, need 11 to 12 hours of sleep at night (which she was doing) and 2 to 3 hours of naps a day (not happening). Logically, he continued that if she were to wake at 6 or 7 am... she would need to be in bed by 6 or 6:30 for a full 12 hours... or even 5:30 pm. Moving the bedtime up not only works with the baby's biological clock, waking earlier encourages them to take longer naps. "Wow! That's it?" I thought to myself. If I had known this... I would have done it months go! Well, there's a little more. His research has also indicated that babies do well with a morning nap around 9 am and a mid-morning nap around 11 am. But it's not just the schedule... it's the high amount of activity and play between the naps that promotes the long nap.

I wondered why this would work now when it didn't seem to be necessary when she was 9 months old. His answer was brilliant to me. I'm not sure why I never noticed it myself. Avelyn was taking 3 naps at day at 9 months. But when a baby loses a nap... they need to have their bedtime moved up to compensate for the lost sleep. So there it was... Avelyn had been sleep deprived all these months and I didn't even know it!

The next part in tackling her naps was the amount of time I was rocking her to sleep. Just moving her bedtime up and giving her naps earlier made it easier for me because she was sooooooo tired that she was ready to nap even more than I'd ever known her. The next part was that I set a time for how long I would do the routine. Read a book or two, rock her, kiss her, and put her in bed. Leave the room and let her cry.

The part where Dr. Weissbluth and the Elizabeth Pantley authors agree is that a sleep log is a must. So with my log, I noticed that the day before I turned Avelyn's world upside down with her schedule and I put her in her bed, she cried for 40 min. And then she woke up and cried for another 6 min. before going back to sleep. But the FIRST DAY that I tried Dr. Weissbluth's routine, she cried for only 5 minutes! But then when she woke back up for what I call "phase 2" of her nap, she cried for 17 min. The second day, she cried so hard she did vomit... but only because I learned that she gets angrier to be placed in her crib asleep and hates getting woken up to find herself in her crib. But if I put her in her crib drowsy, she would acclimate easier with minimal crying. And by that very night, the SECOND NIGHT, she was putting herself to sleep with only 30 SECONDS of crying! I've been doing the whole routine consistently now for 5 days and she now puts herself to sleep with only seconds of crying!!!! I can literally place her in her crib AWAKE, turn off the lights, and before I can turn on her video monitor, she's SOUND TO SLEEP!

It's like I have a different baby! The easy go-to-sleep baby that I've always been jealous of that my friends had now lives in my house. My marriage is now reaping the rewards! I'm not angry anymore and I have so much time now I can finally do the cleaning and fun projects like starting (yes, only starting) her baby scrapbook.

THANK YOU, Dr. Weissbluth! I highly recommend him to anyone. I know that every child has a different personality. But he has an answer for a variety of personalties. Knowing what I know now I wonder if Avelyn has actually been as delightful of a sleeper as she is a sweet baby girl all along or if it's a combination of that and timing...

For those of you who have always had the easy sleeper or those of you without any children, I can only relate to you the dramatic change in this way. A few months ago, I watched an episode of The Little Mermaid TV show where the Evil Stingray hated seeing that Ariel and all the creatures of the sea sang in harmony. So, he did everything he could to spread rumors about everyone to each other and to hate each other's differences. Once he saw how well that he had divided up the sea creatures against each other, he squealed in delight. The sharks began hating the jellyfish because they had "ink for brains". The only people in the sea not falling for the Evil's Stingray's ploys was Ariel and Flounder, who got everyone back to their senses that their minds were being filled with ridiculous resentment, when they could all be singing in harmony.

So Avelyn's sleep problem had been dividing my husband and I. And now that this problem is solved, my eyes were opening that I had the power to change my attitude all along (just when I was beginning to think that my husband was the one with "ink for brains").

All during my California vacation, I sought this peace and harmony, but couldn't seem to find it not only because I was exhausted and I felt like a failure as a mother, but because I wasn't choosing peace. I know also that just like the Evil Stingray, there is also an outside Evil One who squeals in delight to see how frustrated we are. There was no way I could give anyone that satisfaction. Waiting until frustration builds to the point that we're not demonstrating love to our family even though we know that we love them is suffering.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I'm thankful that I was able to cook a delicious turkey and bake delectable stuffing while my daughter napped. I am SO thankful that my daughter is sleeping! And the change happened when I needed it the most from the nap tyranny I was living under so that I could recover from my cold. I never thought it would be so wonderful!

I am thankful that the hearts of my husband are now as close as they've been in a long time to beating as one. We are the Yin and the Yang. We are at peace. Even though sickness has plagued me, my mom, and my dad, so that we couldn't all be together today, I am thankful that I was enjoying the day with my own family. I am so blessed with my family. But most importantly, I am thankful that I was able to love and serve my family today and I look forward to choosing more opportunities to appreciate the different viewpoints my husband has with the motive of genuine care for his opinion rather than my own.

Now, if I could just get her to eat more... any thoughts on that out there?

Love Like Fire

Carrie Underwood - So Small


1 Cor. 13:4-10

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

With a new found faith for the protection over the prosperity of my in-laws' and for an advancement in their perception of Christ, I headed with my husband and daughter to San Francisco, CA, with the intention of loving and serving them as opposed to merely visiting with them.

Before I head into the details, let me give you some background. My husband's family is SO accepting and SO loving. They know how important family is to me. They know how much I love them. They welcome me into their home as if I were their flesh-and-blood. They lavish me with gifts every time I see them. If I compliment them on anything of theirs, they place it in my hand to keep before I can say daw-che (thank you). Several times I have been sick while visiting, and they bent over backwards to care for me.

"Wow!" you must be saying. "What wonderful people they are!" I would agree. But they wouldn't. It's in their nature as a Buddhist-influenced home. I say influenced because only my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are practicing Buddhists while the rest of the family remains disinterested in any religion, but welcoming of all.

Just a few months ago, I knew very little about Buddhism. So I decided to learn more so that I could understand and better pray for my in-laws. My former Religion professor/friend recommended the book, Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers by Thich Nhat Hanh. At first, I was skeptical to read the book because it is written by a Buddhist monk and I didn't want to confuse myself with deep terminology I didn't agree with and I didn't agree with the book's title, "Jesus and Buddha as Brothers," which suggested to me that one could be both a Buddhist and a Christian at once, thereby making your own religion margarita. Instead, I found this book to be a very easy, quick read while also so meaty, I had to put it down to digest it. And though Hanh does practice both Christianity and Buddhism together, his writing does not encourage the reader, per se, to do so. Rather, he writes to the Buddhist reader and the Christian reader simultaneously in an effort that each might better understand the other.

This book blew me away in that parts of Buddhism so poetically substantiate the Bible in the way they explain and practice the faith. I say this not out of support for Buddhism, but out of respect.

He explains how Buddhist's love to celebrate the Lunar New Year by going home to their family and relates this experience with how Christians do the same with Christmas.

To truly experience the holiday, Hanh explains that we must be thankful for our family. And to be thankful, we are driven to love our family.

Yet, even with the similarities, it was obvious to me the major difference between Buddhism and Christianity besides the obvious difference: Christ.

Buddhism is all about being mindful and reaching inward and outward with your own abilities and emptying the mind and spirit to become one with the universe. While Christianity is also about reaching inward... it is not because of our own abilities, but out of surrender to let the Holy Spirit work outward through us that we may become one with Christ... and full of love.

So, I thought to myself, "That's it? All I have to do to understand the my in-laws is to love them? That's so easy!" To my surprise, Hanh actually defines "understanding" as the "foundation of love". I was able to grow from Hanh's most wise words. I had never thought of it that way because I've always known from the Bible that God is love. But it's true. Carrie Underwood's video portrays it. We fight with each other and get so caught up in ourselves that we fail to understand the other person, to see life from their perspective. If we understand, we love. If we love, God is shining through us.

Hanh even goes as far to say that if "understanding is not there, you cannot love." The Buddhist solution to this would be to look deeply within to change your mindset and "recognize the suffering in others, which stops suffering in [you]." I would go one step farther because there is no way I could consistently do this on my own. I need the Holy Spirit to work himself out, within me. I need Him to show me understanding. To reveal a deeper understanding than I could have on my own.

Even Hanh notes how Jesus did not hide himself from suffering. He looked deeply into suffering (I'm not sure if Hanh recognizes it himself, but Christ became suffering. When I think of this, it makes my heart heavy with awe. How could I not love others with His powerful example?)

So I was so excited to love my husband's family. While we were in San Francisco, there were times I felt at home. My in-laws are so easy to love, but their way of doing things and ideas of raising a family are so different than mine, that there were times I wanted to scream and searched my heart for love and understanding to overcome.

But mostly I was mad at myself for being a Christian failure. God was teaching me to so much that loving with my own motives is not loving... but when I love out of sacrificing my will that I am truly loving. They were so giving of themselves and I was so selfish to hold tight to many things regarding my daughter. I'm not sure if I always disguised my frustration, but they were experts at hiding theirs, continuing to lavish graciousness and love back to me.

I wanted to love unconditionally. I wanted to bless unconditionally.

I was blown away that my own Buddhist sister-in-law was first to send me an e-mail during our visit with images of Christ and his hands cupping fire to unconditionally bless me, when it was I who wanted to bless her. She lavished me with gifts, not expecting anything in return.

On my niece's desk was the name of a band, "Love like Fire." With the latest San Diego Wildfires, I thought to myself. "What a wonderful way to turn such a horrible tragedy into a metaphor for our lives." We should all love so intensely that it spreads contagiously. Before long, it will be everywhere, giving off warmth to you. It will come full circle.

Oh, and I know this post has gotten way too long, but I mustn't leave without telling of the divine intervention that took place on our visit:

In October, my father-in-law had suddenly lost hearing in his left ear due to some unknown infection. The doctors were very scared that something serious had happened in his brain, but gave him some medication to treat a possible infection. My heart ached for him because I have had similar hearing loss in my own left ear my whole life. I prayed and urged others to pray.

During our visit, my husband went with him to the audiologist for a hearing checkup. Not only did my father-in-law pass with flying colors, but the doctor told him that he couldn't explain how he regained his hearing even with medication. He told him he was very lucky as another patient had experienced an identical illness and still has no hearing.

At the dinner table that night, my husband translated from Chinese to me the good health report. I rarely mention anything about my faith in front of my husband or my in-laws so as not to impose, but I felt led to ask my husband if he would tell his dad of my family and friends who had prayed for him. To my surprise, my husband translated my message and both my mother and father-in-law sincerely thanked me for praying.

So I thank all of you who prayed. I thank God for showing his love on my family, for showing me how when you love, everything else is "so small."

Coming Full Circle

Avelyn's First Birthday Party

I feel horrible that I haven't posted since September... but not only have I been so busy, my heart has been overflowing with how to put into words God's goodness.

Last time I posted on how, according to the Jewish Calendar, this is the year of the Full Circle of Life, or "Samekh Chet." Little did I know that God would be bringing be back from whence I came.

I've been so moved by this new understanding and perspective of seeing my life as a whole, that I changed my blog theme to The Lion King (which I'm sure it's understood that the movie's theme song is the "circle of life").

I love my theme pic I found to illustrate it. It shows Simba being held up by Rafiki while being proclaimed King to the land. His head is anointed with oil, yet his face shows confusion and bewilderment all at once as if to say, "Why are they making such a fuss over me? I'm just a cub!"

But I know that God feels the same way about us. He made such a fuss over us that he went to all lengths to save us with His own Son, that we might become heirs to His throne as his sons and daughters. And He didn't stop there. He consistently and powerfully places His protection and Divine intervention into our lives in the here and now.

Personally speaking, since my daughter's birthday and my own in September (which is also the time of the Jewish New Year), I have in a sense, felt Christ lifting me up with oil on my head like Simba. I've been blessed and experienced answers to prayer and divine interventions that I wouldn't have thought to orchestrate myself.

I began to recognize it at my daughter's birthday party. I was so stressed trying to take care of her while making a special "Dora the Explorer" birthday theme. The problem was that I had the theme, but none of the details. And miraculously, because I have wonderful parents, it all came together. Ok, so that's not miraculous. But at the party, it was amazing to me how I saw my daughter's first year before my eyes and the hopes and decrees over her life that I hold in my heart for her, just like God does for me (and, yes, Simba's parents too.)

But earlier that day, something even more amazing happened! Housepainters rang our doorbell! You see, I had been praying since January to have our house painted. My husband, Allan, just couldn't come grasp spending the money or what color to choose. I wasn't just praying for the house to be painted, but it to be on Allan's initiative and that I could submit to him with the whole thing... when it would be painted, and what color it would be. Then, finally in August, he decided we should get some estimates. Turns out every quote we received was either too much, or the job couldn't be completed until April.

So the guys who were at the door were our last hope and we weren't expecting their arrival. Allan goes out to talk with them and they quote exactly what Allan was willing to pay. The husband-and-wife team asked to start immediately and explained that they would be finished in two days.... which just happened to be MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I never thought I'd be so happy to have my house painted as a birthday gift... but it was more than just a bonus birthday gift from my husband (who, by the way, was both proud to provide and thrilled that I was so tickled)... it was an answer to prayer! To me, a birthday gift from my Heavenly Father. (Extra Bonus: Allan told me later that he had just received his salary bonus the same week which was slightly more than enough to cover the whole job. Thank you, Jesus!).

Because it happened so fast, we had to choose the house color in a matter of hours. Miracle upon miracle... we chose the same color!!! Trusty Tan. =) In a whoosh, our house was as updated on the outside as my husband had made it to be on the inside. The most stressful of my prayers had been the least stressful on the very day of the stressful 1st birthday party for our daughter (which turned out not to be stressful at all).

Such an answer to prayer brought our family even more full circle. Enjoying my daughter's first year. Enjoying my 27th year through my Father's eyes. Enjoying a deeper marriage. Enjoying our family.

More crazy divine interventions to come...

Trusty Tan!!!!!!