Seek Ye First

Previously, I had mentioned about how God touched me during a time when I was depressed. I was told that I would probably have to be on medication for life and because of the medication, I would never be able to be pregnant because of the effects of the medication on the fetus. Or, if I were permitted to be off the medication for a period, I would need to go right back on after birth and would not be able to nurse my child.

I hated feeling the way I felt because of my condition. I loathed taking a medication that daily reminded me that I might never fulfill my dream of being a mom or nurse my child.

However, during the course of my treatment it was discovered that I had a thyroid disease that most likely was genetic and my depression medication was making it worse.

I was mad. Mad that I had become depressed in the first place and was in this mess. Mad that the drug that was supposed to make me better, was literally killing my thyroid. And I was mad that this same thyroid disease and depression that was now affecting me had destroyed the life of my grandmother. I did not want it to control me!

I was also glad at the same time that this same medication had prevented my depression from worsening and I was confident that I was fine. So then why was I still on this medication? The doctors said they were fearful that I might have a future relapse.

After much prayer and research, I began to learn that many people who really suffer from thyroid disease are misdiagnosed with the type of depression I had. Thus, the medication I was on, was not only making my thyroid worse, but was useless. So I prayed that my doctors would come to the conclusion that I already knew... that the cause of my depression had been my thyroid all along.

And that's what happened!

Eventually, my doctors agreed with me that, after 4 years of being on the medication with no relapses, that I was ready to take the risk of being off the medication and then determine if, perhaps, I was misdiagnosed. Though they can't be sure exactly what caused my depression, they are welcoming the idea that I could be right - that I was misdiagnosed with depression when it was thyroid disease! God acknowledged my desire to step in faith and be rid of my medication. And He allowed my doctors and my family to respond in agreement with my faith!

I have since not relapsed. And I won't.

You might be wondering why discovering thyroid disease made happy... but this meant I was off of the medication that had been meant to help me but was literally destroying my body and was preventing my body from safely bearing children. I don't want to diminish my thyroid disease, as I was told that I mostly likely will have this disease my whole life. I was upset when I first learned that many people who have my thyroid disease often miscarry.

But because the thyroid medication I've been taking mimics what my body is lacking, it sustained me through my pregnancy. YES, that's right I was PREGNANT!!!! Every time I look at my daughter, I am reminded of God's grace. And you know what? I nursed her for 13 1/2 months!!!! All things that were impossible, became possible.

After that night I watched Todd Bentley and felt my deaf ear tingling (though not yet healed), it occurred to me that I had accepted my thyroid disease because I had seen it as my healing in the form of a misdiagnosis. I just figured that Hashimoto's disease (the name of my thyroid disease) wasn't so bad and important enough for God... until I heard a few days later of a girl who was healed from the same disease that I suffer from! Another woman was also healed recently and began to feel that her medication suddenly wasn't helping her anymore - it was making her feel strange. She went to the doctor and now she's been titrated OFF her medication!!!! I thought to myself, "Wow, God does care about my thyroid. He's not done with me yet." I claim that same healing for me in Jesus' name!!

To have a normal thyroid. To be rid of hypoglycemia (another story). To hear again. And the list goes on...

I have so many things I want to be healed of, that it's been hard for me to choose just one thing I am asking for a miracle for. But the more I have been watching this healing service, I have realized that people were AGAIN healed of another ailment as they came on stage with healing testimonies, as Todd would pray for them. Or they would be healed of multiple things in their seats without a physical touch from Todd, but by the Anointing of God.

God is not limited to one thing. And He has a plan for what, when, why, and how he heals. I'm starting to realize that these afflictions I have are not natural - they are a hindrance. Before I didn't care. Now I want miracles so bad!

I no longer accept my deafness. I no longer accept my thyroid disease. I no longer accept my hypoglycemia.

But I don't think that's enough. All those who have been healed and what I have learned I need to continually do is to seek Jesus first.

For My Jesus said:

"...Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." ~ Matthew 6:33

I've got to step into authority. I've got to literally step up to the next level where God is calling me. I've got to start acting like I'm already the pure, sanctified, refined, me that I am in Jesus. Not just in my attitude, but in my deed.

All the while I should continually ask for my healing. My devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, says that "'ask' means beg." I had forgotten to ask and now I include this in my daily prayers and lay my hand on my body where I need healing.

This devotional also brought up a really good point that "we will never receive if we ask with an end in view; if we ask, not out of our poverty but out of lust." So if I ask to be healed with the attitude that it's just something to check off my list of things that God has done in my life, I am asking in vain. But if I ask out of hunger from my belly because I NEED Jesus to touch me, He will.

• Ask
  
• Seek
• Expect
  
• Act
  
• Discern
  

With my house, I've got to be faithful to the goals I have for myself. When I fail, I've got to brush it off, forget about it, and move forward.

I need to forget the things that cause me to stumble and move on. I can no longer use my deaf ear, my thyroid, my hypoglycemia (or whatever it is) as excuses for missing things in life... because Christ is already healing me. God wants better for me. He's my Daddy! If I'm going to be a witness, I've got to start treating my family, my friends, and others like Christ sees me as... whole.

God has touched me before and He will do it again!

And God has used my depression experience for good. This school year, my school district assigned a high school student to me to tutor at home. Her family is Christian and she is experiencing a similar depression that I experienced and has the same doctor I did. It is so amazing at how much we connect in some areas and how I've been able to encourage her with my own testimony of God's touch on my life.

God has placed the desire for me to expect my miracles... and to have faith for and share with others to expect their miracles too! Now I've just got to seek Him! It makes me look forward to Father's Day in a whole new way...

What are you stepping out in faith for in your life?