The Eye of the Tiger

My earliest memory with my dad is of sitting in the passenger seat of his 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix on a cold winter night in Athens, OH, while we were in an empty grocery store parking lot doing donut circles with the car in the snow. We were laughing as we said, "Wheeee!" One time I think he brought a tape recorder in the car so he could record my little voice say my familar "turn it Banessa," which meant that I wanted him to change the radio station to what I (Vanessa) wanted. (Oh, how I wish we could find that cassette tape!)

Other warm memories I remember having are helping him build a fire in our coal burning stove. Yes, I was literally born a Coal Miner's daughter. =-)

And I'll never forget the day when he came home from his next job as an Insurance Salesman. He proudly handed me a brown box with holes in it and I had no idea what it could be. Inside was a tiny little kitten just for me! We called him, "Tiger." Unfortunately, we had to give him away to our friend at the supermarket because he attacked me in the morning to bite my heels. We heard later that he grew to be almost as big as a bobcat and would hang from the lady's curtains. Yikes!

But even still, the word "Tiger" still had a great meaning to us. You see, my dad's favorite song to do his morning push-ups to was "The Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor.



These weren't just ordinary push-ups... he did them with me on his back! As the music played, he would huff and puff while he did as many as he could. I would ask him to do as many as he could handle. I had a blast. When I was younger, I think I was told to lay flat on his back and hold his neck tight while he did it, but then as I grew, I just sat on his back. Push-up time was "our" time. He taught me how to whistle during one of these sessions. It was a time when we were so close. A time that he made me know that I was the only important thing to him.

My dad and I also share a love of horses. I remember when I was about 5-years-old he tried to take me to a local stable in Athens, OH, so that I could ride my first horse. I was so excited. But then when we got there, we learned that you had to be 9-years old to ride. We were bummed, but fortunately the place had canoes you could rent and we went canoeing. I remember it was a beautiful day and it was just me and my dad. It was so much fun.

When we ate at Dairy Queen, he made sure that I could be the one to throw away our garbage so I could hear the trash cans say "Thank You" in their robotic voice.

There are so many other fun phrases my dad came up with like "All you Gotta do is Ask" in response to my needing something, which taught me tenacity. He also made car trips fun by making a little chant for "Tunnel," which my brother and I eagerly anticipated as we approached the 3 tunnels that led us to our grandparents in Virginia and singing Alan Jackson's knee-slapping "Mountain Music" and "Chattahoochee."

I think I was about six-years-old when my dad brought me home a Cricket doll. I couldn't believe my eyes! It wasn't even a holiday, and here I was watching my dad coming home from work and up our driveway with a box that was so big it was covering his head as he carried it! In case you don't remember the 80's, Cricket was THE rage. She had a cassette tape player in her back. When you put in her special tapes they would make her mouth move at a specific rate to make it look like she was really talking; she moved her eyes around too. I had been asking for her and asking for her! (Hey, I guess he followed through with that 'All you gotta do is ask' line ;-)!!!! ) But you have to know my financially-savvy dad. My brother and I didn't get presents unless it was Christmas or our birthday. It wasn't that he was cheap, but times were tight. And I knew it. I was the luckiest girl in the world! I would have her today if her cassette player hadn't short-circuited.

Our financial difficulties didn't get any better for us in Athens after Black Monday hit on October 19, 1987, the day the stock market crashed worldwide. To me and to his insurance company, my dad was "A Record Breaking Stud," But on that day, the whole company practically died. Suddenly, there was no future there. My parents were scared and in under two weeks had a garage sale and moved us up to Cleveland where my aunt had miraculously talked with a man in her church who needed a salesman to sell his railroad parts (he learned so much that he now has his own company).

I had no idea what the word "moving" meant. We rented my uncle's old house in Strongsville, OH, for a year. The house was tiny, but it was fine for what we needed. It sat on a huge property and I caught the biggest Blue-Gill you've ever seen (I think it was something like 8-inches long.... but I was 7-years-old, so maybe it wasn't that big).

When we found our permanent house in Cleveland, OH, on Huntmere Rd., my dad became the neighborhood rage. He taught not only my brother and I how to ride our bikes, but I think he also taught a couple of the neighbor kids too. The neighborhood gathered around to ask, "Is Mr. Deel home?" so that we could all play a game that my dad grew up with called, "Roly Poly." This game was similar to baseball, except that there is no base running and no outs. Instead, after the batter hits a ball he must lay the bat on the ground and the outfielder runs to get the ball. As soon as the bat touches the ground, the outfielder has to freeze where they are and try to "roll" the ball to the bat. If he succeeds in touching the ball to the bat, then it becomes the outfielder's turn to bat. (If you want to try it out, here's a better explanation.) The neighborhood played this game endlessly with us during the summer days and came in our breezeway in the evening to learn the card games my dad grew up with like "Rummy" and "Gin Rummy."

My dad had a sincere faith in Jesus and covered my mom in teaching us about the Lord. We all knew that he did not have many phenomenal encounters of the Divine, but he was always open. My mom and dad became Christians together before they were married and my dad usually didn't feel comfortable to go to churches or functions without her. But I remember one night that for whatever reason, he decided to go alone to a revival service. When he came home, I was amazed. I'd never seen his eyes look as gentle as they did. His face was glowing and he asked all of us to come and touch his hands - which were so hot they felt like they were on fire. He told us that the Power of God had been all over him. We all knew it was true. I remember just looking up at my dad in awe. I'd never seen him touched by the Lord so deeply. It built my faith. God was real and was interested in our family.

He also invented a goodnight ritual that I now share with my daughter at bedtime, which we said as fast as we could to each other "God Bless You. I Love You. See you in the Morning. Good Night. Sweet Dreams. You're Wonderful. Jesus Loves You. [Kiss, Kiss]" (I loved it then and now my daughter says, "Again! Again!" when I do it with her.

I was my daddy's girl when I was little. But then when I got older, our bond loosened because we constantly butted heads. We were so much alike in our pride, stubbornness, and selfishness that, by the time I got in college, I thought there was no way that I could ever be as close as I was to my daddy as I was then. But the Lord, time, forgiveness, and the birth of my daughter has brought us close again like we were in our special time of push-ups on daddy's back.

Funny enough... those two principles my dad taught me about having "The Eye of the Tiger" mindset and "All You Gotta Do is Ask" philosophy, stuck with me even when we weren't so close. It helped me from everything from school to relationships. Even today just playing the song helps me focus whenever I need to get something done. Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, and Spiritually, it all applies. They have inspired me to be persistent. To be tenacious. To be a survivor. To never give up. And to ask until you get it.

Thanks, Dad for making the time to show me that I was the most important thing in your life. Thank you for "making memories" with us. Thank you for setting the example for us that it pays to work hard and persevere. But most of all, thank you for always pointing us to Jesus.

I Love You!

Vanessa

Seek Ye First

Previously, I had mentioned about how God touched me during a time when I was depressed. I was told that I would probably have to be on medication for life and because of the medication, I would never be able to be pregnant because of the effects of the medication on the fetus. Or, if I were permitted to be off the medication for a period, I would need to go right back on after birth and would not be able to nurse my child.

I hated feeling the way I felt because of my condition. I loathed taking a medication that daily reminded me that I might never fulfill my dream of being a mom or nurse my child.

However, during the course of my treatment it was discovered that I had a thyroid disease that most likely was genetic and my depression medication was making it worse.

I was mad. Mad that I had become depressed in the first place and was in this mess. Mad that the drug that was supposed to make me better, was literally killing my thyroid. And I was mad that this same thyroid disease and depression that was now affecting me had destroyed the life of my grandmother. I did not want it to control me!

I was also glad at the same time that this same medication had prevented my depression from worsening and I was confident that I was fine. So then why was I still on this medication? The doctors said they were fearful that I might have a future relapse.

After much prayer and research, I began to learn that many people who really suffer from thyroid disease are misdiagnosed with the type of depression I had. Thus, the medication I was on, was not only making my thyroid worse, but was useless. So I prayed that my doctors would come to the conclusion that I already knew... that the cause of my depression had been my thyroid all along.

And that's what happened!

Eventually, my doctors agreed with me that, after 4 years of being on the medication with no relapses, that I was ready to take the risk of being off the medication and then determine if, perhaps, I was misdiagnosed. Though they can't be sure exactly what caused my depression, they are welcoming the idea that I could be right - that I was misdiagnosed with depression when it was thyroid disease! God acknowledged my desire to step in faith and be rid of my medication. And He allowed my doctors and my family to respond in agreement with my faith!

I have since not relapsed. And I won't.

You might be wondering why discovering thyroid disease made happy... but this meant I was off of the medication that had been meant to help me but was literally destroying my body and was preventing my body from safely bearing children. I don't want to diminish my thyroid disease, as I was told that I mostly likely will have this disease my whole life. I was upset when I first learned that many people who have my thyroid disease often miscarry.

But because the thyroid medication I've been taking mimics what my body is lacking, it sustained me through my pregnancy. YES, that's right I was PREGNANT!!!! Every time I look at my daughter, I am reminded of God's grace. And you know what? I nursed her for 13 1/2 months!!!! All things that were impossible, became possible.

After that night I watched Todd Bentley and felt my deaf ear tingling (though not yet healed), it occurred to me that I had accepted my thyroid disease because I had seen it as my healing in the form of a misdiagnosis. I just figured that Hashimoto's disease (the name of my thyroid disease) wasn't so bad and important enough for God... until I heard a few days later of a girl who was healed from the same disease that I suffer from! Another woman was also healed recently and began to feel that her medication suddenly wasn't helping her anymore - it was making her feel strange. She went to the doctor and now she's been titrated OFF her medication!!!! I thought to myself, "Wow, God does care about my thyroid. He's not done with me yet." I claim that same healing for me in Jesus' name!!

To have a normal thyroid. To be rid of hypoglycemia (another story). To hear again. And the list goes on...

I have so many things I want to be healed of, that it's been hard for me to choose just one thing I am asking for a miracle for. But the more I have been watching this healing service, I have realized that people were AGAIN healed of another ailment as they came on stage with healing testimonies, as Todd would pray for them. Or they would be healed of multiple things in their seats without a physical touch from Todd, but by the Anointing of God.

God is not limited to one thing. And He has a plan for what, when, why, and how he heals. I'm starting to realize that these afflictions I have are not natural - they are a hindrance. Before I didn't care. Now I want miracles so bad!

I no longer accept my deafness. I no longer accept my thyroid disease. I no longer accept my hypoglycemia.

But I don't think that's enough. All those who have been healed and what I have learned I need to continually do is to seek Jesus first.

For My Jesus said:

"...Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." ~ Matthew 6:33

I've got to step into authority. I've got to literally step up to the next level where God is calling me. I've got to start acting like I'm already the pure, sanctified, refined, me that I am in Jesus. Not just in my attitude, but in my deed.

All the while I should continually ask for my healing. My devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, says that "'ask' means beg." I had forgotten to ask and now I include this in my daily prayers and lay my hand on my body where I need healing.

This devotional also brought up a really good point that "we will never receive if we ask with an end in view; if we ask, not out of our poverty but out of lust." So if I ask to be healed with the attitude that it's just something to check off my list of things that God has done in my life, I am asking in vain. But if I ask out of hunger from my belly because I NEED Jesus to touch me, He will.

• Ask
  
• Seek
• Expect
  
• Act
  
• Discern
  

With my house, I've got to be faithful to the goals I have for myself. When I fail, I've got to brush it off, forget about it, and move forward.

I need to forget the things that cause me to stumble and move on. I can no longer use my deaf ear, my thyroid, my hypoglycemia (or whatever it is) as excuses for missing things in life... because Christ is already healing me. God wants better for me. He's my Daddy! If I'm going to be a witness, I've got to start treating my family, my friends, and others like Christ sees me as... whole.

God has touched me before and He will do it again!

And God has used my depression experience for good. This school year, my school district assigned a high school student to me to tutor at home. Her family is Christian and she is experiencing a similar depression that I experienced and has the same doctor I did. It is so amazing at how much we connect in some areas and how I've been able to encourage her with my own testimony of God's touch on my life.

God has placed the desire for me to expect my miracles... and to have faith for and share with others to expect their miracles too! Now I've just got to seek Him! It makes me look forward to Father's Day in a whole new way...

What are you stepping out in faith for in your life?

Pregnant Hope

Last night I dreamt that I was in a dimly lit hospital, very pregnant with a baby girl, and about to deliver. I could literally see my baby's feet and arms trying to wriggle her way out of me.

I looked down and already saw myself donning a hospital gown, and surrounding me were other women wearing the same, just as pregnant as me. None of us could deliver because #1 we were waiting to be put in the birthing room and #2 the baby wasn't ALMOST, but not yet ready for birth.

I was consciously confused in my dream as to how I had become 9 months pregnant with a baby so quickly and how I could be delivering a girl...when, in my real-life prayers, I am see myself having a boy one day.

I woke up before the birth took place.

I think this dream does NOT mean that I will be pregnant in the very near future, but that all that has been pregnant in my heart, spiritually, for the last year especially, will be born soon. But God was showing me in my dream, that what will be born won't be what I expected, because it will be GOD'S CREATION and not of any dreams that are solely my own.

God was also showing me that I'm not the only one who is pregnant with His dream. There are other Christians standing in the gap with me for what God has placed in them.

Lately my heart has been standing in the gap for and crying out for Kevin Healey. I first heard of Kevin from the teachers at St. Bernadette's Catholic School as I was substitute teaching. His mother is one of the kindergarten teachers there. After hearing their ordeal, my heart immediately ached for them.

That's him pictured above. This 18 year old young man, who has been battling a rare form of cancer, just learned that his tumors have become "numerous [and] inoperable inside the lining of the chest cavity - outside of the lungs." His blog just reported that some tumors "were the size of baseballs and golf balls. " The surgeon stated that "Kevin's cancer is now growing like a wildfire and is out of control." I understand that Kevin is not only physically weak, but is experiencing anguish and suffering that sounds to me like it's deep in his soul. I can't even begin to understand what he and is family are going through.

Please join me in prayer for this wonderful young man and his family. And please, go visit his blog and tell everyone you know to pray for him!

Dear Jesus, I lift up Kevin's life to your right now. You can save him right now, Jesus. The surgeon said that his cancer is spreading like "wildfire" and is "out of control." But I pray that you would send the FIRE of your Holy Spirit that is GREATER than any fiery cancer that is cursing Kevin's body. Please give him courage and faith to look to You during this difficult time. Give Him faith that YOU ARE THE HEALER. Give him strength to fight. Comfort, him, Holy Spirit. For You are the Comforter. Restore him, O God, from head to toe!!!

And as I stand in the gap for him, Lord Jesus, I stand on Your Word and Your promises you've made me and to others. We seek Your will together for our lives. Thy Will Be Done!

Amen.